where did my soul go?

The life I had, I can't have back. The choices I made,

affected me in all those ways.
The mistakes I made have not been forgotten.
The tears I shed, the sounds I made, the feelings
that left me feeling in a different way.
Yet I can't see why these tears feel so unreal.
I'm not the same, my words are unsaid.
What I hide, is buried deep inside.
I cry in the dark, cuz I know I cut too deep.
The blood is like the rain,
in every way it drifts away.
The scars are real, but the wounds in the heart
are another mark.
I'm not fake, I'm not a doll,
I just don't think I'm the same in any way.
So where did my soul go?
Why did I ever let it runaway?

Changes of ma life..:)

At last am back with a happy post!!!

yep..really...am on cloud nine....

nw am happy with a new  set of hopes!!

Happy after a long....:) giving a break for all the mad ravenings!!!!

Changes of ma life::In short

1.Resigned from the ever boring job..and back to the ever loving title jobless nerd!
2.Tried becoming a tutor!
3.I got admission to ma dream institution!
4.Again Redesigned ma future plans and took a resolution to not to change again!

Thats all for now!!

I wonder Y...

I wonder y...i wonder? I know this is not sane !

I wonder why..i get close to strangers..
Is it that I love getting hurt..
or is it that..I hope...there will be a new beginning..
But nothing have really ended well in my life its just faded away or just ended abruptly with a pain.

I wonder why i brood over the past...
I have plenty of things to plan for the future..
I have tonnes of stories to pen down..
I wish I could write better..

I wonder why I ask questions to stone idol..
knowing I have answers inside me..

I wonder why I am not an atheist..?
I know I don't believe in omnipresent god!

There are more things...but...I donno what those things are....:( !

Men...Men..Men!!!

"Men are obnoxious, arrogant, entitled, violent, stinky, crass, loudmouthed, stupid, craven, bragadocious, thoughtless, unreflective, abusive, selfish, lowbrow, willfully ignorant assholes." yea..most of them are....


Its not that I hate men....but..this is what ma present situation..make me type!! I know I am sounding childish here…!


I prefer to go with personhood. I know this is a paradox after what I have typed already..but that’s what I prefer…

I had to come across some bad mouthed gossiping guys….and am fuming here coz of some experiences I got today!!

I was pouring out ma worries and irritations to ma friend and his opinions and suggestion were unbearable! I am so sad…that I have got very few girly best friends!! (:( :()

****************some thoughts!!!*************************

Do women in real have the freedom to express all the feelings and thoughts?

I had to deal with real bad comments for expressing ma thoughts....and I feel pathetic when some girls keep their mouth shut scared of the comments from the so called males of our society!

Why is it hard for some men to think of their opposite gender as equal to them...having all the emotions ,feelings, thoughts... like they do!

I don’t want anybody to treat women as delicate beings on the earth. Even after saying so, those men hurt women to the core..which she survives all the time!

We can deal with all sorts of physical and mental breakdowns and we don want ny kind of sympathy.

why is it that some men even living n this century think...girls are supposed to liv under the roof of kitchen...cookin and serving them ?
yea..there is a mistake…in abov sentence….in present time, men expect women to earn too….so for tht...she can liv outside the roof of kitchen for 9 hours a day!![may b am wrong here..but...its true atleast among the middle/upper middle class conservative societies ]

I know things have changed a lot now…still there are women..who hav to suffer…

Today…I came across a lady who talked to me about her family…and her recent tensions. She have to take care of her full family…Her man was a coward who ran away with another girl after giving his wife an year long injury by hitting hard in her abdomen … When she was talking she was all worried about her old mom. Recently her mom had to undergo some kinds of harassment from the security of nearby building…!!! Her mother is 72 year old….and tht old lady ends up siting inside the house all day..till her daughter arrives back. Its hard to believe that there are people living under fear even in bright day light!!

Fear! Fear! Fear! Why cant we overcome this emotion? and surprise ourselves with a good life!

Voices in ma head!

Ha!!

Thinking of writing something to ma blog after a long fight with me and the insane voices in ma head!

I donno how many people in his world hear voices inside them...

I have 4 kinds of voice...inside me... and the fifth voice is of mine! which I use to fight with the imposed wills of ma life! which becomes the sole cause for all the voices!

1. one From temporal lobe of ma brain.
2. another one from occipital lobe
3. one in frontal lobe.
4. inside ma heart!

NOw I tell you what all thses voices do to me....I havent called them any names as I dont love them!

for nw lemme name them...am very bad at naming somthg....I think I will go with 1,2, 3, and 4

the first voice kicks in when I read some interesting book...as if it finds pleasure in asking unnecessary questions while am reading!

the second one jumps in the middle of some first voice and they will start fighting ! trying make me insane!

the third is much better than the first two .....it will rescue me from the first two say a stop and a conclusion ! but third one is not always good...sometimes 3 is the problem starter...putting in topics like loneliness, madness, love, passion, lust, happiness, weirdness....I dunno always it will have voice to make fight with ma fourth and final voice in ma heart!

And the fourth one..I think thats the intuition as the people say....which is supposed to b the right and the safest one!